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Monday, March 4, 2019
Children can be very good at testing the patience of their parents, especially when they decide to talk back during arguments. As a parent, you most likely ended up in conflict with your child because she did something wrong such as disobey a house rule or fight with a sibling. Sometimes, children do not want to admit that they are at fault so they may start saying disrespectful things to you.
When your child shows a lack of courtesy, you may feel inclined to do the same. After all, you work, pay for the tuition fee of their international school in Manila, and do all you can to take care of their needs. But this should never be the case.
One, you may encourage them to repeat the same behavior towards you in the future. Two, they may also act in the same way around friends and teachers at school, which can negatively affect their relationships with them.
In order to properly handle these situations, these are the advisable steps to take when your child talks back during arguments:
If you want your child to show respect, do not reflect the negative attitude that she exhibited.
You can show that you embody the thoughtfulness she lacks through your body language. To do that, it is best to avoid showing these physical signs of anger to your child.
Even if you don’t say anything, once your child sees you expressing any of these, she may start to go on attack mode, which will prompt her to talk back to you even more. If you feel pushed to your limits, excuse yourself. Breathe deeply until you are calm and composed.
Your children, despite your good efforts, may sometimes scream at you and say disdainful words. As much as possible, do not take these sentiments too personally. Instead, try your best to be rational. After all, they are still the process of developing their self-control.
To stay logical and calm in emotionally heated situations such as these, you can first ask yourself why you feel so angry at your child. It could possibly be caused by something unrelated to her, like a problem at work or with your spouse.
Afterwards, ask yourself what you are responsible for fixing. Most of the time, parents are tempted to speak to their children in harsh tones because they feel that problems should always be solved by adult figures. Feeling like you need to control everything might lead to unnecessary stress and reactivity.
After you and your child have resolved the conflict, it can be the right moment for you to set limits on what is proper and improper conduct during instances of parent-child confrontation. For example, you can tell her that she is not allowed to use hurtful words or that she must leave the room first if she starts yelling. What is important is to set clear guidelines for respectful communication.
Whether it’s providing guidance or paying for the tuition fee of their international school in Manila, being accountable for your children can be very stressful and make you feel highly-strung at times.
Thus, you may feel easily inclined to show exasperation when your child starts talking back at you during arguments. But, having this line of thinking will only make them repeat the wrong response. During confrontations, it is more helpful to stay calm, be rational, and follow the steps elaborated above in order to develop positive results.